Letter 3

Dear Survivor:

The one thing I want to make sure you fully understand is that the rape was not my fault, and it was not your fault either.   It did not matter if you are (were) young or old, pretty or plain, if you were wearing a mini skirt, short shorts, low cut dress, if you invited him to your place or if you drove to his place, if it was 2am or 6am, if you were looking for someone to comfort you or if you drove to the place the abuse took place.   Once you have it in your head that you were positively 100% not at fault, then you can start to heal.   A huge burden was lifted off my shoulders when I finally realized that I was not at fault for the rape.   I only wish I didn't wait so long before I told someone about the rape.

I hope this helps you as it has helped me.   Every morning when I wake I tell myself that I am a Survivor, that I am courageous (going through the abuse then going through therapy one has to be courageous) and that no one will ever abuse me again.   In the evening before going to sleep I repeat the above.   I feel stronger both physically & emotionally.   I also tell myself that I deserve to be loved and I deserve to have the capacity to love others.   Loving oneself is a good beginning to the healing process.  

Writing this letter has also helped me to heal, it took me over a month to write and I wrote it, rewrote it and only wrote maybe one page then when I felt up to it, I wrote the rest.   Someday you will write down your own letter to a survivor, it will not only help you but other survivors.